I can’t remember the last time he caught me
I believe his reaction was surprising to me
Maybe I expected him to be insensitive and to walk away with absolutely no emotions at all
But he actually said he was sorry to me for what he’d done
But ever since that last cry many many years ago
I won’t allow myself to let him catch me again
I won’t use my pain as a manipulation tactic to get the effects that I deserve
Besides in the end I know that apology means nothing, not even to him
As a matter of fact his apologies frighten me
And I don’t want to use the hurt in my tears
to bring forth that fear when I’m done expressing my pain inflicted emotions
I guess what I’m saying is, I’d rather him
not apologize at all than apologize and not mean it
So now when I cry I wipe them away fast
before he notices

© she
September 25, 2016


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