She wasn’t going back to him
After years of mental torture
Making her believe that when
He was angry
It was all her fault

Taking her voice away
Taking her voice away

This is something that
he made her contain
She was a woman who needed to
speak her mind

Not a woman who’s made
to keep it confined
She’s not a woman who
likes to be ignored
Neglected and forced to
conform to the norm

She’s a woman who has bit
her tongue
Bit her tongue for far to long
Bit it once when she was young

Unable to speak
And developed a speech
Which she had to overcome

To stay home and take care
of the household affairs
Ignored, unappreciated and
treated like he didn’t care

Treated like her feelings
never mattered
A doormat she was
Controlled, on eggshells she walked
Her self respect was just shattered

But when she spoke to Christian friends
Who were just as miserable as she’d been
She’d always ask them what to do
Thier response would be
To pray for him

Pray for him
Pray for him
Why oh why
Should she pray for him

The priorities here
Seemed so messed up
When you recognize abuse
Should you just give up?

Leave it in the hands
Of something that hasn’t
provided a rational answer?

So she provided her own
That’s what she did
She left that asshole
And didn’t say shit

Well, she filed the papers
But had no where to go
And this is when his monster
of all monsters
Began to show

*to be continued*

Ā© she
April 15, 2016
Artist Arunas Rutkus



  1. this is really affecting………i don’t get people who say it’s okay to suffer………let God out of it………who let it happen in the first place…….i don’t know…….i get angry and then frustrated because i can not do anything……
    and keep uploading………you write well……….but on second thought don’t upload more……have you considered self publishing….?
    how many parts are there?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Novelistbaba, I have one other ready to go, the part IV. Which was written back in April 2016. Pt.V, will be a fresh one written in this month (December) but still about the past (2012)

      Liked by 1 person

    2. @novelistbaba, I’ve never been confident in anything I’ve done.Not my art, not my poetry, not my writing. People tell me I’m talented, but I’m scared. Scared of the stress and pressure mostly. Hahaha! Seriously though…

      Liked by 1 person

      1. ofcourse…..its scary……but you have got a great story…….i know it is real life for you but……..as you mentioned those published confession poets…….you can publish this like them…….you have the story, you write well, illustrate well……..who else should do that if not you!

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Duh, I think I already know that.
        I’ve always wanted to be a writer and I’ve started a thousand stories but then I would get stumped on the characters stuff like that and then I would just stop because I’m an over analyzer

        Liked by 1 person

      3. tell me about it……it is so frustrating…….only once have i been able to complete a novel when i was 13-14…….but now……nothing to show……and that one is too embarrassing and childish to do anything with it…..

        Liked by 1 person

      4. That’s that’s amazing you were thirteen or fourteen when you wrote your first novel. Whenever I’ve attempted to write any type of book I’ve based it off a dream I’ve had. I’m a veryVivid and Lucid Dreamer


      5. I have read that people who suffer from depression usually have vivid dreams and most likely would remember them and I’ve been having vivid dreams like that for all of my life because I’ve suffered from a lot of abuse

        Liked by 1 person

      6. Okay I’m going to be talking voice to text because I’m driving so if I have some whacked up words or anything like that it’s because I’m not actually typing this I am speaking this

        Liked by 1 person

      7. Another interesting thing is that the painting was put on his wall by his mother collects painting but this one was given to his mother’s mother and then his mother’s grandmother and his grandmother’s mother so you can imagine what year this painting of this woman was from

        Liked by 1 person

      8. With the young woman in this painting and she would come to him in the middle of the night and wake him up and make love with him and she would do this several time for weeks on end

        Liked by 1 person

      9. Every time I try I get so caught up in the details and so frustrated on where and what year, who what, her name, his name, what she looked like, blah, blah blah, that I just get frustrated and give up.

        Liked by 1 person

      10. It’s the beginning that stumps me. You must get the character’s first. Person, place and thing, etc. I’m a perfectionist and its the details that get me hung up

        Liked by 1 person

      11. And then even more interesting she gets pregnant buy this 17 year old boy. And then after she gets pregnant she decides to stay within the frame and never come back again which then the boy is heartbroken and tries to go into her Century to find her

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Wow. I can connect and relate. Yes, it seems so counterintuitive…to pray for the enemy. I don’t understand it and have a hard time doing it because I don’t know how or what to pray for. I also think it does not mean you have to stay and endure abuse…but you can still leave and still pray. It does not have to be one or the other.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I just don’t get it. People…women are hypocrites. The Godly women tell you one thing, but do another when it comes to abuse from their Cristian husband’s who are at home beating their ass. Yet still look down on you for not taking their word. So stupid! You’ll find out what “she” did because of it. More to come.


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