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-2 °F 

This is how cold it is where I live now and this is how cold it feels in the environment that I live with my brother as well. 

Yesterday I really felt like I was going to have a mental breakdown, because all of this is just so devastating to go from one bad situation, right into another. It just seems like this has been my entire life. I just can’t seem to catch a break. My brother and his girlfriend were both at work yesterday and I stayed home with my dog. I sought some support for my new friend, as well as by the end of the evening I decided to seek support from the former wife of a narcissist as well. 

After I poured my heart out to her on Facebook Messenger she responded with this and it really, really helped me and I’m going to go forward using her advice;

“She, 

That is such a horrible position to be in. Of course, if you need a place to stay for a while, then maybe you can just keep to yourself (as though you were renting a room from a complete stranger) while you build up your resources. 

As long as he doesnt actively seek you out, just to be nasty to you, then why not take advantage of the assistance available, you know? 
Acknowledge to yourself that your relationship with your brother is effectively over, and you are simply a temporary tenant, while you get your ducks in a row. 
I do understand the frustration, disbelief, and heartbreak, you must be feeling, though. My very own brother turned out to be a full-blown psychopath. And my bio-mom turned out to be a narc. I was completely devastated. 
BUT….
I’m O.K. now, and I feel really good about myself. My confidence is at an all time high. All because I stood up for myself, clearly communicated what behaviors I found to be unacceptable and, when those boundaries continued to be violated, I quickly (yet, lovingly) ended the relationship and told my brother he was no longer welcome in my home.”
Damn… It seems like it’s narcissists, narcisists everywhere, doesn’t it? Fuck. 😂

——

So, that being said. I’m heading out into the cold – 2° degrees and I’m going to jump on a bus and see what I can see. Do what I can do. And take care of what needs to be taken care of without the help of anyone else.  I hate depending on people and I hate sitting around and waiting for people to help me. 
And already this morning there was a bit of a tiff with him although I was trying my best to avoid him. He pops into my room and asked what my plans were for today and I told him that I was going to grab a bus and go to my storage and grab a few things. He walked back through again and stuck his head in and said “Well, I don’t think that’s a good game plan.”  I sarcastically asked him why doesn’t he think that that’s a good game plan?  and this is when it all began. He accused me of having an attitude with him and being short with him. I responded by saying that if I had a question or if I needed anything I would ask him directly and that I didn’t need him trying to control me or telling me what to do. 

And then he huffed and puffed off.  I figured since he was being all directed towards me I might as well have been directed towards him. And what I said was the truth. I do not like people telling me what to do. This is one of my new boundaries of 2017. I do not like to be controlled. I have been control for 17 years of my marriage. I’m a grown woman. I can walk. I can talk. I can take care of business. I can ask questions if I have a question. I can figure things out and if I can’t I will learn the hard way, just like everyone else. I don’t enjoy being controlled. 

And with that my brother slammed his house key on the coffee table and walked out with his daughter. Once the front door was closed, I exhaled. I was proud of myself.

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