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The Middle

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Like I mentioned in yesterdays post I said that I didn’t know where to start talking about my life since I came back here to Iowa in 2017. Yesterday I began with the present and today I guess I’ll start off with the middle and believe me it was a very hectic middle. Since I’ve been back I sort of abandoned my blog. Well sorta kinda. I still posted my poetry and my art but strayed away from anything really personal. I guess it was because associated pain with this blog which is why I originally started it up back in 2015. I used this blog to vent. I was hurt. I was angry. I needed someone other than the people I was becoming toxic to listen to me bitch instead.

During this Middle. I was both used and abused once again by the same person I’d left behind. Seems I just can’t get enough of them damn narcissists. We’ll just call her by her real name Brendella. From the end of February till June she had manipulated me into letting her and her son come live with me until her apartment in another city became available. That was the biggest mistake I could have made. I was played like a violin. I was emotionally abused, mentally abused, belittled, discarded, disrespected, used in every way. I used up all the money I had saved living in Texas on her and her son.

I felt like the sole provider of an entire family that wasn’t even my own!!! She didn’t do shit but stay up all night and sleep half the day. Then act angry at me because I wouldn’t lazy around with her all day. This chic was a drama queen too. She was what lesbians would classify as the STUD or the masculine one of a lesbian couple. There wasn’t anything studly about her ass at all. She was a user who expected a sugar mama to take care of her while she didn’t do shit. Well, that relationship didn’t last long THANK GOD. She was an ungrateful, unappreciative, emotionally cheating on me with not only me, but this other nasty chic. And when I finally couldn’t take the disrespect and her not respecting my boundaries, I’d had enough. By this time, it’d only been four months!! I was emotionally drained. And exhausted from trying to make this girl love me when she wasn’t even worth loving in the first place.

However, since then I’ve moved on to hopefully better things….

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4 thoughts on “The Middle

  1. I wonder how your husband felt. Did he know you like women? I’m just curious if your were honest with him from the beginning. Being gay is fine as long as you were honest. Did he marry you knowing you like women? And when you left him did you tell him you wanted to go live with a woman? Now you are feeling used by this woman. I wonder how your husband felt.

    Liked by 1 person

    • 1. I didn’t care how he felt anymore. He didn’t care how I felt. Obviously, if he had he wouldn’t have began raping me when I was 6 months pregnant or narcissistictly abusing me in every way until I finally got the courage to leave him.

      2. He didn’t know at first that I liked women and a few times when I’ve said something he thought I was bullshiting.
      I chose to marry him for the wrong reasons. I’m not going to lie nor deny it. I take accountability for that bad choice.

      3. When I left him it was no fucking business of his what I did after I left. That man tortured me for 17 years. He didn’t deserve what I gave him. Even our son. He literally took him away from me. If you read from the beginning of this blog you’ll understand how much of a monster he was to me and why I chose to stay.

      4. I got used by her because I guess you can say I allowed it, yet again. I was vulnerable and weak. I’d just left my husband after 17 years in January and not more than two months later I was naively back into another relationship with the exact same person except he was a she. Yeh, she used me, abused me, etc. I allowed it because I was lonely. I’m not perfect. That was a stupid mistake. I was foolish.

      5. I don’t give a shit how my husband feels anymore. I’M FREE !

      Like

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