Fokking it up, before it gets started

How do I fake self confidence long enough for someone to fall in love with me? I’m not going to lie when I confess that I’m starved for love.

I’ve spent all of my life feeling as if wasn’t loved by my mother and then my narcissistic husband of 17 years. Now it breaks me heart to say that my own son doesn’t show love for me either.

I just keep fokking up every attempt I make to secure a relationship even if it’s only been a few weeks into it. I seem to always find a way to overthink my way right out of it, thus DESTROYING it.

I recently made a huge mistake and it wasn’t even intentional which is why I believe apart of me keeps doing things like this on purpose. 😡

I just met this girl (only days ago) in a group on this social media site. I really like her alot already. We’re totally compatible. We’ve been chatting quite often via phone, video and texting and I enjoy being paid attention to.

Then I go and get this wild hair and post a question in two of the same types of groups asking “If two people do this on a regular basis should it be assumed that their relationship is exclusive?” I don’t know why I do absentminded shit like this, I just do 🤷🏽‍♀️ Also another reason what prompted me to ask this question in the first place was my observance of another similar group where the women emotions have moved to fast believing that texting, calling, and videoing were enough to consider it a relationship without even asking first which is how and why they wind up hurt.

One person assumes the other is only exclusive to them, when they’re not and is off dating and talking to other people as well.

Long story short (lol, yeh right), I think my new friend may have seen this post and assumed that I was talking about us. 😮 Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit! Why did I have to post the stupid question!?! Why didn’t I think that she wouldn’t see it and not believe I was talking about her? So, I probably fucked that potential relationship up before it even got started. 😥 I hate myself. I haven’t spoken to her yet…


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