DISTRUCTIVE WORD

When you say hurtful (verbally abusive) words to another, how dare you think that those words aren’t remembered or effective to the psych? Out of anger or not, you need to watch what you say! Some words can’t be forgiven and if they are, the abuse will continue…

I’ve been in a relationship with someone for the past three months and they’ve called me every name in the book out of anger (mutherfucker, dumbass, bitch, petty, that i deserved to be alone because of my insecurities, Ms.know-it-all) etc, etc and they’ve even told me that I deserved all the abusive treatment that I received from my previous 18 yrs of marriage) but not have I ever once stepped to thier level and responded with the same violent distructive words that they have… and trust me, they deserved it.

Now, if this isn’t an emotionally and verbally abusive narcissist than I don’t know what is. All I know is that I deserve better than this person. 

BULLY


*BULLY*

How can he say that it isn’t
mentally or emotionally abuse
when he’s been saying these
thirteen words for years

“If you don’t like the way I treat you, then you can just leave”
“If you don’t like the way I treat you, then you can just leave”
“If you don’t like the way I treat you, then you can just leave”
“If you don’t like the way I treat you, then you can just leave”
“If you don’t like the way I treat you, then you can just leave”
“If you don’t like the way I treat you, then you can just leave”
“If you don’t like the way I treat you, then you can just leave”
“If you don’t like the way I treat you, then you can just leave”
“If you don’t like the way I treat you, then you can just leave”
“If you don’t like the way I treat you, then you can just leave”
“If you don’t like the way I treat you, then you can just leave”
“If you don’t like the way I treat you, then you can just leave”
“If you don’t like the way I treat you, then you can just leave”
“If you don’t like the way I treat you, then you can just leave”
“If you don’t like the way I treat you, then you can just leave”
“If you don’t like the way I treat you, then you can just leave”
“If you don’t like the way I treat you, then you can just leave”
“If you don’t like the way I treat you, then you can just leave”

Slowly and unconsciously
coaching his son to treat his
wife and the mother of thier
child the same way…

He may as well start saying,
“If you don’t like the way WE’RE
treating you, then you can leave”

Two bullies ganging up on
a woman who doesn’t
deserve it No one deserves
to be bullied

WHAT’S A BULLY? A BULLY
is a person who uses strengh,
power and control to
intimidate those who are
weaker typically to force
him or her to do what one
wants.

“If you don’t like the way I treat you, then you can leave”

And finally one day she did

© she
July 19, 2016

THIS IS ME UNSHELTERED


UNSHELTERED

This is what I look
like when I’m
unsheltered

Not necessarily
happier but also
not as stressed as
I find myself right
now

It seems the
worry becomes
intense knowing
that I’m here and
the fear of the
unknown and
the anxiety of the
unclear

Will I ever
look this way again
Half complete
without a home
or without a true
or trusting friend

Taking for granted
of what I had then
constantly
undecided about
what’s best for
me in the end

Being sheltered
doesn’t define me
But I’m oh so afraid
that being here
will remind me

That I was once
nothing and
will always be
nothing to anyone
who knows this past
of mine

And being here
has tramatized me
once again
Will I end up here
again and again?

Physically and
mentally a cycle
without a
brighter
end

© she
February 10, 2017

“Homeless” again…

Welp, I’m back in a shelter again. My brother balled his fist up at me twice now. I’m not playing that shit. 

After three weeks of witnessing him verbally, mentally, emotionally, and physically abuse his girlfriend (well, she’s not even his girlfriend. He’s just living with her because they have an 8 year old together) I should have either called the cops a long time ago or have left a long time ago. The cops she didn’t want me to to do anyway, because she didn’t want CPS involved because they’ve been involved before. 

But this time when he balled his fist up at me for defending her and then calling me a bitch, I had to finally leave (but only after he’d left for work that morning) However after I’d gathered my two bags or the necessity’s I needed when he got back home and found out He cussed her out and spat in her face. And right in front of thier daughter. 

I’ve applied for a few apartments so the one I want and is most affordable should be calling soon. When that becomes available on the 15th, I’m headed straight there. Oh and I’m filing a …what’s it called when he can’t come near me? So yeh, I’m doing that too because I mean business. And when she finally means business as well and kicks his ass out he better not even think about heading my way!!

LIQUOR COVERED LIES

LIQUOR COVERED LIES

She’s documenting this day when
she went to
go stay in an unfamiliar
place that her
sibling sent her running for
shelter from his
narcissistic rage His promises of
a full and brighter
life Had been nothing but
bullshit and liquor
covered lies Days which brought
nothing but perturbed
anxiety for his similar behaviors
triggered by memories
of her former suffering
She wonders if her abusive past
wasn’t done with her
yet

© she
February 1,2017

#abuse #narcissisticrage #alcoholism #shelter #fear

IT’S NOT AS EASY AS YOU THINK…


My back Story

Here in Texas one can file for a divorce and get things going and it’d be done and over with in three months. Maybe it was wishful thinking for me. I was gullible, overly anxious and stupid for thinking that was actually going to happen for me as well. I’d had a legal aid attorney was unseasoned and taking his sweet time and my NARC had…let’s say a vicious seasoned one.

I’d already escaped to Austin Texas after doing everything that everyone suggested that I do (shelter, help from women’s support programs, churches, I had no friends, I had no family, I didn’t have a job and if I did I couldnt wait an addition 5 years to save up what I needed to leave him, etc, etc), I’d tried all the things people said regarding “leaving your narc”. So I’ve been there and done that.

I was struggling, scared. Moving from place to place in Austin with what little I’d had. So no one can’t tell me that I hadn’t tried. Long story short, this divorce was taking forever, I was trying to be patient, I would walk the streets of Austin and see homeless people on the corners of every street. They would come approach me asking for change for the bus and I’d burst out in tears. I told myself that I didn’t want to end up like them.

Eventually I got on Craig’s list and found an old lady roommate who was…guess what? A damn narcissist! How ironic huh? I ATTRACT THESE PEOPLE or I swear I’m magnetically attracted to them. I don’t know. Anyway she was bat crazy. I mean frightening and I had to get out. Once again I was practically homeless. I was waiting and waiting for this divorce to happen, maybe I’d get some alimony. I don’t know. I was a strong Christian and started believing that maybe God wanted me to go back to him, because every attempt my attorney and I were trying my narc’s attorney kept defeating us. Maybe this was a sign? Plus whatever money I had saved up, if they took half of it because of child support, I’d be destitute anyway. So I put my tail between my legs and came crawling back to my narc in 2013, and he’s made my life even more of a living hell than before.

And that’s my back story. This is why I’m still here. This is why alot of wives of narcs are still here. A woman, two days ago, put up a quote of facts as to why most of us can’t leave I thank her for that because those facts are true.

Why am I telling you this? Because people need to know why it’s not that easy.

ONE SAFE PLACE

I woke up with this still on my mind this morning so I went ahead and emailed this to my case worker Chad, at the Women’s Abuse One safe Place Family Justice Center (victims of domestic violence) in Fort Worth 

Hi Chad,

I can’t remember if you told me this or if I just read it someplace, but does raising your hand to a woman to hit her in anger, but then stopping yourself constitute as physical abuse?

I just needed to know because two days he almost did so all because I was late picking him up from work by an hour when I’d have him at least 20 minutes notice of it.  

I was at my doctor’s appointment having some stiches removed from my nose (from a sinus surgery) and I didn’t think that it would take long but it had because there were complications. Obviously, waiting on me was too to good for him to do, when when I finally drove up with tears in my eyes from the pain of the stitch removal, he was enjoying himself (aka entertaining himself anyway) by watching stupid video’s on he’s cell phone like he normally does.

He took over the driver side wheel. I said, what the big deal, it’s not like I you standing in 20° weather!  

He told me that it was his car and that he shouldn’t have had to wait. I explained that I have never ever been late picking him up until now, since that last time he got on me for being five minutes late two years ago and he still scolded me. 

Do you see now Chad why I’m always anxious about making it on time to pick him up from work? 

Anyway, he got even furious when I called him a big baby for making such a big deal out of it.Then of course he told me how he was fed up my shit and that he’d had enough. I told him if he’d had enough then why don’t you do something about it (I meant divorce me) then he put his middle finger up as close as he could to my face. 

I told him that that was childish thing to do, then his face turned red and he went to raise his right elbow to smack me in the face with it, but he refrained himself and grinned the wheel again. 

I told him to go ahead and hit me! (You see, I do this because,  if he’s going to threaten to do it, then do it so I can have a reason to call the police) He said, I’m not gonna hit you! I believe he says this because he knows better because he could go to jail.

————


Like I’ve mentioned before to many of you, I don’t know what I expect Chad to do, however he’s a caring and concerned man, but I’ve been with this Center for over a year and the only advice they ever given is for me to go to counseling, which I faithfully do and or go to a shelter. Well guys, I don’t want to live in a shelter. Who would and if they knew what really goes on inside one, they wouldn’t. Trust me.