WAITING


WAITING

I sit in silence
waiting for you
to think of me

Hoping that
when you do

your’e calling
to let me know
that you were

and to reassure
me that I am
even a thought
on your mind

I wait for the ring
But there is none

© she
June 26, 2017

ON YOUR MIND


ON YOUR MIND

I need to be
thought about daily
Because I think of
you daily That
thought needs to be
acted on Whether
it be a phone
call a text or an
email Any form will
do I don’t ask for much
But a simple
“I love you”
Not an out of sight
Out of mind
relationship

Words & Image
© she
June 23, 2017

WHAT LEFT BEHIND


WHAT’S LEFT BEHIND

This hurt
This anger
This woman
That you see

This is the result
of how another man
treated me

I didn’t ask
to be cracked
or bent
or torn apart

I didn’t ask
to be broken
or shattered
by a reckless heart

But I am left
to deal with
what’s left behind

A woman wanting love
When her heart
wants to keep
her blind

© she
April 5, 2016
Art by Ken Wong

THERE’S NO CURE


THERE’S NO CURE

I don’t know how to express love
other than the way that I do

I grew up in a famiy environment
where it was hard to perceive love 

And seeking professional help
hasn’t fixed this

It’s depressing being told that the
love that I give isn’t good enough

Because I care deeply, it’s just when
people tell me that the love I’m
trying desperately to express isn’t
good enough to be considered love,

I feel broken – I feel like a shattered
mirror

Wondering “What in the fuck more
do you want from me?”

I give and I give, yet I still don’t
understand how love can only be
about showing affection

When I do have urges to express it,
but my “broken” body just can’t take
the chance because of past rejections

I’m gonna be alone and lonely and
this, I do know what it feels like

There seems no cure for that if YOU’RE
just going to give up and LEAVE ME,
like a coward

Perhaps you weren’t worth it afterall
Telling ME that now that YOU don’t
love me anymore because of it

Maybe YOU never truly loved ME in
the first place

“Puh”

© she
May 27, 2017

CONDITIONAL LOVE

CONDITIONAL LOVE

Sometimes love
comes with
conditions

The love that
I’ve received
and the love that
I’ve been given

I’ve learned over
the years to never
take “gifts” from
“strangers”

In thier eyes
food, transportation
and shelter
were gifts

But once I did
I was thiers to
play with

To control
To manipulate
To guilt

So in turn
I’ve learned
that the only
person I need

And the only
person I can
and will depend
on from now on
is myself

Don’t ever think
that I need your
“things” or your
love to survive

When what I need
is this time to heal,
to grow stronger
and to just let
myself thrive

© she
May 22, 2017

CONDITIONAL LOVE

CONDITIONAL LOVE

Sometimes love
comes with conditions
The love that
I’ve received
and the love that
I’ve been given

I’ve learned over
the years to never
take “gifts” from
“strangers”

In thier eyes
food, transportation
and shelter
were gifts
And once I did
I was thiers to
play with like a puppet
To control
To manipulate
To guilt

So in turn
I’ve learned
that the only
person I need
and the only
person I can
and will depend
on from now on
is myself

Don’t ever think
that I need your
“things” or your
love to survive

© she
May 22, 2017

SABOTAGING

SABOTAGING…

Am I intensionally
trying to sabotage
my happiness
with another

There are behaviors
that I’m making
a mountain out of
a mole hill

Sabotaging…

There are knit picked
things that I could
easily choose to
overlook

Or wisely choose another
battle that’s worth
a bone of contention

Sabotaging​…

There’s small characteristics
that I am forcably
comparing to another’s
cruel personality towards
me

Sabotaging…

I’ve grown accustomed
to being treated neglectfully
But then resenting myself
to the depths of my soul
for accepting it

Sabotaging…

Misunderstanding almost
every verbal and non verbal
communication
No answer is perfect
and neither am I

I just keep asking myself
Why won’t I give anyone else
a chance to love me
Loneliness feels safer

Sabotaging…

© she
May 7, 2017

RECIPROCATE

RECIPROCATE

Every morning
“Good morning”
Do you need anything
And even if I didn’t
It was the thought
to think about asking
that counted the most
That’s how much I mean to you
That’s how much I matter
With every cough or sigh
You’re there by my side
To ask if I’m ok
There was this distant fear
that I’d be put back in the rear
as this holiday approaches
But I wasn’t
I was put on an “IMPORTANT”
to-do list
Almost front and center
with the other things
that mattered most to you
Why was there ever any doubt
Because for years I’d gone,
done and accustomed to
doing without
Is this what true love is
Because if so
I’ll be your queen and trust me
that will mean
That I will reciprocate all these
ACTIONS and more

© she
May 5, 2017

SABOTAGE

Maybe I do 

wanna be forever lonely 

and miserable

Seems that’s what miserable 

people do

They sabotage 

not only themselves, 

but others as well 

Unable to let heal 

a damaged heart

Or rather it’s not 

that I don’t want to be healed​

But that I just can’t be

I’m prone to sabotage

everything positive that attempts 

to break this scared 

and hardned hearted 

impenetrable spell

Some wounds are just 

unrepairable

© she
April 29, 2017

NEW

NEW

This is all new to me
Undiscovered feelings
Unraveling bit by bit
Day by day
Smile by smile
These happier emotions
continually replayed
Uncovering what I feared
most to see
To discover a just as deserving
worthy woman like me
Yeh, this is all new to me
And I’m enjoying it

© she
April 14, 2017