NArcissists hate seeing you happy

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/psychology-self/2017/11/narcissists-hate-happy/

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IT’S NOT AS EASY AS YOU THINK…


My back Story

Here in Texas one can file for a divorce and get things going and it’d be done and over with in three months. Maybe it was wishful thinking for me. I was gullible, overly anxious and stupid for thinking that was actually going to happen for me as well. I’d had a legal aid attorney was unseasoned and taking his sweet time and my NARC had…let’s say a vicious seasoned one.

I’d already escaped to Austin Texas after doing everything that everyone suggested that I do (shelter, help from women’s support programs, churches, I had no friends, I had no family, I didn’t have a job and if I did I couldnt wait an addition 5 years to save up what I needed to leave him, etc, etc), I’d tried all the things people said regarding “leaving your narc”. So I’ve been there and done that.

I was struggling, scared. Moving from place to place in Austin with what little I’d had. So no one can’t tell me that I hadn’t tried. Long story short, this divorce was taking forever, I was trying to be patient, I would walk the streets of Austin and see homeless people on the corners of every street. They would come approach me asking for change for the bus and I’d burst out in tears. I told myself that I didn’t want to end up like them.

Eventually I got on Craig’s list and found an old lady roommate who was…guess what? A damn narcissist! How ironic huh? I ATTRACT THESE PEOPLE or I swear I’m magnetically attracted to them. I don’t know. Anyway she was bat crazy. I mean frightening and I had to get out. Once again I was practically homeless. I was waiting and waiting for this divorce to happen, maybe I’d get some alimony. I don’t know. I was a strong Christian and started believing that maybe God wanted me to go back to him, because every attempt my attorney and I were trying my narc’s attorney kept defeating us. Maybe this was a sign? Plus whatever money I had saved up, if they took half of it because of child support, I’d be destitute anyway. So I put my tail between my legs and came crawling back to my narc in 2013, and he’s made my life even more of a living hell than before.

And that’s my back story. This is why I’m still here. This is why alot of wives of narcs are still here. A woman, two days ago, put up a quote of facts as to why most of us can’t leave I thank her for that because those facts are true.

Why am I telling you this? Because people need to know why it’s not that easy.

RIGHT ON SCHEDULE 

Here’s a picture of MR.HYDE beginning his first day of Holiday Season Hallmark and Lifetime Channel Watching. The season where he tunes in to these two channels featuring stories about the Thanksgiving Season which is supposed to be about togetherness, the Christmas Season’s television shows about caring, sharing, finding love, and once again togetherness, but of course MR. HYDE learns nothing or absolutely misses the point of each and every one of them.😕😕😕😕 

Oh, and there’s my dog stealing from off of his plate sitting on the floor. 😅 

*LESS IS MORE*


*LESS IS MORE*

Less is more
than you think
Less is more
than good
enough

Less is more
than enough,
he tells me

My less is more
than you’ll ever recieve
The love that I give
is all that I can

And you would miss it
if you blinked

Don’t get angry
because I won’t love you
the way that you
want me to

Don’t get mad
because I won’t say it
Geez, what else are you
expecting me to do!?

I’ve never been
the affectionate type
And if you want more
you can just save it

My less is more
than you’ll ever have
I’ll replace “things”
with my love and just
trade it

I’ll convince you that
it’s good enough
And that it’s all you’ll
ever need

Ill keep you confused
and dazed about it
So you’ll have to
accept whatever’s
recieved

© she
May 2016
Edited Aug 29
Artist Whip-O-Will

*THE FERRIS WHEEL*


*THE FERRIS WHEEL*

Noone wants to get
on an unoperable ferris wheel,
but I did
Before it stopped working
I boarded an empty one
Foolish me
Just me
Alone

It ascended into the sky,
but then it STOPPED ABRUPTLY
at the highest point
And noone noticed
The people below
couldn’t hear my
screams

The machine attendant
must have gotten distracted
and walked away
I was stuck
I was alone,
and noone noticed

I sat in silence
I’d screamed so much
that I’d lost my voice
The people below,
the attendant, especially
seemed to have glanced
above

He saw me
I swear he did
And then I realized
that he’d stopped the ride

intentionally

He pretended not
to hear my screams

intentionally

and then he walked away

intentionally

And there I sat,
sitting at the top of
this big emply ferris wheel

cold, scared
alone in the dark

© she
August 12, 2016

Have you been GASLIGHTED?


*GASLIGHTING*

A form of mental abuse that includes brainwashing or convincing a mentally healthy individual that their understanding of reality is false, making victims doubt their own memory, perception, and sanity; the term is from the 1944 movie “Gaslight,” in which the villain used this technique.

YOU SHOULD CHECK IT OUT

http://ffilms.org/gaslight-1944/

I’m going to watch it now

*THEIR WEAPON OF CHOICE*


*THIER WEAPON OF CHOICE*

The silent treatment
is a way to inflict pain
without visible bruising
Research has shown
that the act of ignoring
or excluding
activates the same area
of the brain that is
activated by physical
pain

My son and I stayed
at the shelter back in 2005
for a day and a half
before I went crawling
back to him
when I went back home
I got punished
I got a punishment which
felt worse than death

But life went on
I just kept praying
for something to happen
but I didn’t do anything
not a damn thing

Who I was back then
I am once again
Who I am with him
Doesn’t make me
a weak woman

And when I got my brief
moment of freedom
I still felt imprisoned
I never rediscovered
the person I’d always
thought I’d find

After years of emotional
abuse he’d really screwed
up my mind

© she
August 8, 2016

http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/silent-treatment-a-narcissistic-persons-preferred-weapon-0602145