Advertisements

THE TIME OF DAY

THE TIME OF DAY

Past suitors
I wouldn’t have given
the time of day
Here, I am giving you
the time of day
and you’re not reciprocating

What’s wrong with you
What’s wrong with me
What’s wrong with this
picture

The others were worth
ten times
the time of day
than you’ve ever been
since I’ve known you
Yet I chose you to break
my heart

Why do I feel so unworthy
Is this my karma
When anyone else would
feel lucky to have me

© she
August 15, 2017
#narcissists #emotionalabuse #neglect

YOU’RE SELFISH…

Once again I put myself out there like a dumb ass fool to an ex girlfriend of mine (a narcissist)

This is what I texted:

“I need someone to love me full time. Not just when they feel like it. I need someone who thinks about me all the time, not just on occasion. I need someone who calls and text me and makes me feel as if I’m important to them. I deserve more attention than you’re willing to give. And when and if you’re willing to give love, you gotta prove it.”

And this was her response left on my voicemail:

“You’re selfish.”

(along with a few other harsh words)

Fuck it!

YOUR SICKNESS

YOUR SICKNESS

Being there
unconditionally for you,
but you never for me
stresses me to the core,
but hurts me even more
This is one reason
we can’t be together
Your sickness is why
it can’t get any better
Now I’ve gotta build this wall
and build it so tall
That even others can’t climb
As a result of the fragments
you’ve left behind

© she
July 30, 2017

#narcissism #love #heartache

MY STORY

MY STORY

When I started my blog back in 2015 it wasn’t initially all about poetry and “feelings” it was about how my narcissistic husband abused me (at that time).

I’ve drifted far away from that and I’m kinda upset at myself about it. I’m sort of a people pleaser and I changed what my blog was about beacause it appeared that people didn’t seem to accept, handle or turned a blind eye to what I was going through.

Over the past few years as I read other dear friends blogs (or who I’d call a dear friend) I admire thier guts for devulging some of the most deepest and most personal heartfelt realities. And I’m upset at myself for having chosen not to do the same anymore.

I need to share and explain what is happening behind the scenes of the poetry that I write because each poem has a story that drove me to write it in the first place, do you feel me?

I gotta be me y’all. Accept my story (and write poems as well) without judgement…
Thank you all 

© she
July 8, 2017

WHY ASK WHY?

WHY ASK WHY

A major mistake and habit of mine was
that I’d always volunteered too much detailed information

(I know that I do it now on my blog, but this example is completely different) lol!

Especially to this “particular person
who normally acted like they could care
less but was entitled to know

However, he expected it of me 

But when I’d ask him a question his tone and body language alone signified defensivness and he’d respond with
Why?”

As if it weren’t any of my business, and as a common courtesy it should have been which in my book is considered respect

A therapist of mine once gave me a great rebuttal suggestion

And that was to turn right back around
and respond with
Why ask why?”

And one time I tried it with this “particular person” and it completely threw him off gaurd

I’m assuming that it caught him off guard and the control was no longer in his hands…
While he stood looking confused I said,
Now you know how it feels

© she
June 23, 2017