Push

I push people away

And I don’t care

I’m flawed

Therefore I’ll find something

Just as flawed in you

So I have an excuse

To run like hell

Don’t try to be my friend

Don’t try to offer a hand

I don’t want your sympathy

That’s not what friendship

is to me

Don’t talk to me like

I’m a senseless fool

I have a strong mind

I was born with this tool

Don’t try to tell me

what I should and could do

If I haven’t asked for your

advice

You’ll soon be removed

That’s what’s I do

I push

©she

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IF YOU HAVE NOTHING TO SAY

*IF YOU HAVE NOTHING TO SAY*

Story of my fucking life.
This is where I always make the mistake of divulging too much to a person
who gets off on feeling superior.
Shit, I don’t need a second parent soliciting unasked for advice then praising me on accomplishments that a woman my age doesn’t really need as if I were thirsty for it.
I’m a whole grown woman, not a child. 😕
My life is not front page news for you be so bored that you think must contact me
just for entertainment.
For in time these reasons will eventually
be realized.
When you text, have something to say,
when you call, have something to say
or don’t text or call at all.
I’m shutting up.
You’ll here crickets from me…

© she
February 23, 2018

WHAT I LIKE ABOUT YOU

*WHAT I LIKE ABOUT YOU*

I like your quirkiness
and that you’re open
to new things

you are intrigued
by the differences of others
because you too are different

you still have an innocence
about you that’s refreshing
for a woman of your
particular age

you have this hope for love
even after the things you’ve
been through

you have this inner strength
that’s very admiring

you accept honesty and
directness without whining,
but will not accept disrespect

You think outside the box
and are very intelligent,
but…

© she
January 25, 2018

SELFISH FOOLS

*SELFISH FOOLS*

People are cruel
out here
in the world
They are
no better
They are
no better
Believing what
I’d left behind
was the worst
that there could
be,
But I was
wrong
Oh, I was
wrong
Maybe love
wasn’t meant
for me
Maybe I
wasn’t meant
for it
Floating along
this lonely sea
I’m beginning
to think that it’s
not just me
This world
is cruel
This world
is cruel
Completely
filled with selfish
fools

© Tai (she)
Jan 13, 2018

DAUGHTER OF A NARC

image

*DAUGHTER OF A NARC*

I could be having a calm
and stressfree day, but as soon
as I pick up your voicemail,
there you are weeping about
something
And to be truthful I be thinking
that it’s all a manipulative
front you put on
It’s as if you enjoy ruining
peoples day
I’m trying so hard to make
it day by day, to move forward,
to heal, to grow stronger
but then you call and it’s
always about you
weeping and weeping
Telling me that you love me,
making it very hard to believe

© Tai (she)
Jan 6, 2018
#daughterofanarcissist

NO

(from a daughter of a narcissist)

NO.

You won’t leave

You’ll just keep coming back

and making my life miserable

When you come,

you bring dark clouds

and when you leave,

they stay behind

When you call

just sound of your weeping

voice

brings dark clouds

and when I hang up

you’ve left me with overwhelming anxiety

So much that I can hardly breath

So NO

I don’t want to

see you

and you can not

see me

©she

December 10, 2017

THE LIST

THE LIST

I always keep a list
to remind me of
all the shit
that you did to me
It keeps me angry
It keeps me from
wanting you back

© she
September 8, 2017

NOT BLACK ENOUGH

NOT BLACK ENOUGH

Don’t choose to
turn a blind eye to this,
It’s about the
bullying by my own
black race. Excluded
because I’m not
black enough

Bullied and rejected
Judged and effected
“different” with
the inability to heal
Excluded because
I’m not black
enough

Wondering how do I
deal I can’t change my
look, how I carry
myself, act, speak,
my intellect interests
and feel
Excluded because
I’m not black
enough

They’re not supposed to
cause envy
Social anxiety, low self
esteem I closed off myself
to those who’re mean
Excluded because
I’m not black
enough

When I couldn’t take
it any longer Then
over time art and
poetry have me
stronger Then took
over, to become the
only two blind friends
I needed

Because you don’t know
what I look like until
I choose to tell
you

words and image © she
September 3, 2017
#spokenword

MOTIVES

MOTIVES

Reeled back in
to your emotional
blackmailed sins

Couldn’t we’ve
just let bygones
be bygones

Your lack of
respect towards
the one who
was meant to
protect you

A conscience
does not
appear to
exist anymore

© she
August 27, 2017

REUNITED

REUNITED

Once I let go of you

my son came back

to me It was somehow

as if it were meant to

be A hope and fruition

that happened ironically

When all this time you

had no power over me

The banishing of your

toxicity His blood was thicker

than the water you

gave me

© she
August 24, 2017
#toxicpeople #reunited #children #separation

THE TIME OF DAY

THE TIME OF DAY

Past suitors
I wouldn’t have given
the time of day
Here, I am giving you
the time of day
and you’re not reciprocating

What’s wrong with you
What’s wrong with me
What’s wrong with this
picture

The others were worth
ten times
the time of day
than you’ve ever been
since I’ve known you
Yet I chose you to break
my heart

Why do I feel so unworthy
Is this my karma
When anyone else would
feel lucky to have me

© she
August 15, 2017
#narcissists #emotionalabuse #neglect

NOTE TO SELF: BREAK THE CYCLE

NOTE TO SELF: BREAK THE CYCLE

You know who’s gotta end this right?
YOU do
YOU’VE got to break the cycle
of contacting them
Block them
Don’t contact them
Shit, cut your fucking fingers off
to keep from texting them
Dialing them
or writing them poems
Gouge your eyeballs out
to keep from stalking them
Slice your tonque off to keep from
speaking about them
Remove thier cancerous cells from your
brain so that you can recover
a healtier life again
Stab your own self
in the heart to prevent them
from doing it themselves
Charter a flight to a deserted island
separating yourself from the rest of the
world with no means of communication
as a sort of drug rehabilitation
Whatever you have to do YOU must
break the cycle
or you may as well kill yourself

But ask yourself this first….
Are they really worth any of the
terrible things that you would have to
do to get them off your mind?
And would they do the same for you???

© she
August 7, 2017
#them #him #her #love #heartache