THE TIME OF DAY

THE TIME OF DAY

Past suitors
I wouldn’t have given
the time of day
Here, I am giving you
the time of day
and you’re not reciprocating

What’s wrong with you
What’s wrong with me
What’s wrong with this
picture

The others were worth
ten times
the time of day
than you’ve ever been
since I’ve known you
Yet I chose you to break
my heart

Why do I feel so unworthy
Is this my karma
When anyone else would
feel lucky to have me

© she
August 15, 2017
#narcissists #emotionalabuse #neglect

NOTE TO SELF: BREAK THE CYCLE

NOTE TO SELF: BREAK THE CYCLE

You know who’s gotta end this right?
YOU do
YOU’VE got to break the cycle
of contacting them
Block them
Don’t contact them
Shit, cut your fucking fingers off
to keep from texting them
Dialing them
or writing them poems
Gouge your eyeballs out
to keep from stalking them
Slice your tonque off to keep from
speaking about them
Remove thier cancerous cells from your
brain so that you can recover
a healtier life again
Stab your own self
in the heart to prevent them
from doing it themselves
Charter a flight to a deserted island
separating yourself from the rest of the
world with no means of communication
as a sort of drug rehabilitation
Whatever you have to do YOU must
break the cycle
or you may as well kill yourself

But ask yourself this first….
Are they really worth any of the
terrible things that you would have to
do to get them off your mind?
And would they do the same for you???

© she
August 7, 2017
#them #him #her #love #heartache

HELLO


HELLO

On a horse
ranch within the city she’s
who I saw
when I crossed the road
It was as if
it were meant to be
Exactly where she was
grazing with her
foal Then she walked up
looked me in the eye
as if to say hello

words and image by © she
July 27, 2017

SAY’IN WHAT I WON’T DO

SAY’IN WHAT I WON’T DO

Get outta my head get
off my mind my thoughts
of you are making me
blind to the fact that it
was you who destroyed
me in the first place I’m
start’in to forget why
and what or if I’m
making a mistake

You’re always front’in
on someone but never
think about the damage
you’ve done to me when
sometimes your actions
are so much more than
words

I’m afraid that I’m
susceptible to forgive you
when you don’t even
deserve forgiveness
asking you what you
wanna do tell me
what you gonna do
when it shouldn’t even
be a choice that you’re
allowed to make I’m
just tired of say’in
what I won’t do

© she
July 20, 2017

WHY I WRITE


WHY I WRITE

I told my husband
I was leaving him
because of the way
he treated me

and he turned around
and told our
teenage son
that I was leaving
and that he was
allowed to treat me
the same

So after weeks
of demanding things
of me
talking back to me
bullying me
being disrespectful
to me

and looking at me
(when he was angry)
with an expression
no child should
ever look at
his mother

I went to his father
and informed him
of our sons
behavior towards me
and his response was
“Well, you’re leaving
us anyway.”

See, It’s times
like these when
I sit down to write
poetry and I try
so hard to keep

them positive
(or I intended to)
but my writing

always turns
into something
deeply sad
angry or regretful

and sometimes
it takes much effort
for me to write
about the better
parts of my past
(before I married
a monster)

and then there
are occasions when
I write things
to make people
chuckle because
making others smile
makes me smile

Misery lingers
through my air
so thick that
I can’t breath

I look to writing
to provide oxygen
To help bring
me back
to me

I write because
I have a
br – ok – en
h e a r t

© she

Feb 28 2016

MY STORY

MY STORY

When I started my blog back in 2015 it wasn’t initially all about poetry and “feelings” it was about how my narcissistic husband abused me (at that time).

I’ve drifted far away from that and I’m kinda upset at myself about it. I’m sort of a people pleaser and I changed what my blog was about beacause it appeared that people didn’t seem to accept, handle or turned a blind eye to what I was going through.

Over the past few years as I read other dear friends blogs (or who I’d call a dear friend) I admire thier guts for devulging some of the most deepest and most personal heartfelt realities. And I’m upset at myself for having chosen not to do the same anymore.

I need to share and explain what is happening behind the scenes of the poetry that I write because each poem has a story that drove me to write it in the first place, do you feel me?

I gotta be me y’all. Accept my story (and write poems as well) without judgement…
Thank you all 

© she
July 8, 2017

MASKED FACE


MASKED FACE

I’ve built these walls
around myself
to cover
my masked face
I bow my head
in humility
which has always
kept me in one place
Never moving
forward never moving
back wishing I had
the confidence I’ve
known I’ve always
lacked

words and art
by © she
2017